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I don't get it. I just don't get it. I tilled the earth, dug little trenches about a half-inch deep down each row, making sure to keep them properly spaced apart, and then went along planting the seeds. Every half foot, I'd drop another seed. Half foot, seed. Half foot, seed. Covered the trenches, watered all my rows of corn, and then nothing. NOTHING. It's RIDICULOUS. The planting guide I've got matches my garden much EXACTLY. It shows a farm, I have a farm. It shows a big glob of yellow, I've got the in the sky. It shows the hydrological cycle, I've got plenty of rain coming down on the field. The only difference is that the book's got fifteen cheerful little rows of stalks practiy bursting with corn. Corn corn corn! Enough to pop, enough to roast, enough to boil and pot and freeze and unfreeze and serve to relatives when I'm at a loss for conversational topics. "So I made this corn myself," and all of a sudden we don't have to talk about our first cousin who got thrown in jail for robbery or the fact there's not enough rhodium or palladium to go around. There's just NOT, okay! Who wants to have a conversation about the dwindling stocks of metals? Not my family. Which is why I can't help but notice that my field, the one that's NOT in the book, is practiy bursting with NOTHING. No corn. Oh, there's a few stalks here and there, sure. I guess they might become corn someday. But I can't wait for someday. I need the corn right freaking now. The family be here this weekend and I'm not having another one of those "you all laughed at me when I bought gold" conversations with Uncle Mort, I'm just not. You hear me, you useless field of fertilized dirt? Fiat currencies and silver standards and look how smart I am with my palladium ring I'm not doing it! I can't take that again. Grow, damn you. Right this very instant! What do you want from me!? What must I do to harvest my table conversation-steering vegetable products? It's been weeks, why isn't it finished!? I must have my corn now! I can't have dinner otherwise!
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